the last time you will think am sane

I believe that sanity is highly overrated. I think that with all the crap that occurs today sanity is an unnecessary luxury which complicates life and for as long as I can remember I functioned pretty well without it. But I will let you out there in cyberland judge for yourself.

You can call me Tactful. I think a formal introduction is necessary because chances are you're going to form opinoins about me and I figure if you're going to judge, criticise, laugh at or with, agree with or annoy me, we should be formally introduced. I don't need to know who you are; I am not sure I care about possible readers as yet considering that no one may ever read this blog or I may not care what you have to say. I care about being polite not so much about people perspectives on me.

Immediately I will dive into my disclaimer.
I am a woman who is consistantly disappointed by members of both sexes but because I don't have any expectations of men in the first case, my own sex tends to get the short end of the stick. Nevertheless I am completely in love with a younger man, who bless his heart has put up with me for the last 4 years. I am completely unsure why he's still with me. I kid you not. We've known each other for so long - even before the relationship- that am not sure if he realises that this is as good as I get. Admittedly I am worried if he' does know. For 2 reasons.
1. Because if he really is happy with this mess, I am with a man with fairly low standards and
2. The fact that he loves me unconditionally annoys me. HE SHOULD HAVE WANTED TO CHANGE ME BY NOW!!!
Otherwise I'm am a pretty nice lady - so am told and I work actively to make sure that facade endures because it ensures my personal and social successes.

Anyway the purpose of this blog is strictly theraputic.
I got the idea from a coworker who is not sure whether what I tell her about my life is true and entertaining or a complete fabrication and even more entertaining because then it would mean I am actually extremely lame and looking for friendship (there is so much to be explained about my work relationships but that at least 2 entries down the road). So first I had to figure out what a blog was because I am technologically challenged and I spend most of my time setting up programmes, writing reports, correcting papers, writing reports on the papers I corrected then correcting the reports written by my secretary and staff because out of 10 their incompetence is 15 (but am rambling).

I thought about it and I told my therapist, who is actually a friend that I lime with (hang out with) and she laughed at me and asked "Does that mean you will stop buying me dinner and forcing me to listen to your problems?"
"No! once I feed you, your ass is mine for the night."
"Well just don't bother me with the details."
I smiled.

So that's why I'm here. because my only friend in work thinks I lie about my life, my therapist doesn't like me to bother her while she's eating when I paid for her food (she won't allow me to make an appointment like normal people) and if I tell my man he'll just say "I don't care. I love you still." and continue to play with my hair or boobs or feet.