I’m getting old. I’m not sure
that I am wiser but I know I am not the woman I was 10 years ago. I want to believe
that I have matured and am better able to make decisions and cope with the
madness in and around me.
That’s what I want to believe.
“I’m 30 something. I’m grown.”
That’s what I tell myself.
And then something in my family
life, work life or society pisses me off, and I have to go find my rosary
beads, ask St. Michael to pray for me and sprinkle of myself with holy water. I
feel like I lose my mind on a regular basis.
As a self-proclaimed introvert, journaling
brings me balance. I still have my journals from secondary school. There is so
much in my mind. Things I want to say, in general or directed at people.
Instead I end up talking to myself in my car, running conversations over and
over in my mind. On more than one occasion I end up politely smiling to the
persons in the car next to me at a traffic light and pretending I’m on the
phone.
To ‘save face’.
One thing my 20’s taught me,
Love my ‘crazy’, - my high strung and passionately loving reactions
to life. By no means do I privilege my perspective. I know at times I’m wrong.
Like how 9 times out of 10 end up
getting mad that I have to go into an elevator with people taller than me.
Why must I be constantly reminded
that I am not quite 5’ 5? How come is always men 6’3 and above in the elevator
with me? Never 5’6, or 5’8.
And I don’t get short women
either. Once I stood waiting for the elevator. I saw 3 short women (like 5’1 to 5’3) walking toward
me. I got all happy, bowed my head and smiled. I started to think about how
nice it would be to stand in a small space and be the tallest. Basking in my
happiness I looked up and they disappeared. I was sure that I saw them, instead
I was left with 2 tall water delivery men and the stack of water cases on a
trolley… taller than me.
Starting up this blog (again) is
me venting. I am not interested in agreement. I am not interested in debate.
Much like the way Evelyns from the Internets and Issa Rae’s Awkward Black Girl inspired me to be
myself, I hope my weirdness makes someone else smile.
Meet at What Keeps Me Crazy 3.0
Meet at What Keeps Me Crazy 3.0
