Babies

For the nth time this year I was recently asked by a new acquaintance whether or not I have any children. For the nth time I said 'no' and for the nth time I was responded as if something is seriously wrong with me. What specifically annoys me is when the ask you “so you don’t have children?” (not even a child but children).

My reactive thought is always "why would a 25 year old have children". Wow that’s classist! If you can’t perceive it you should check yourself you may just be very entrenched in the middle class.

My second reactive thought tends to be “why ask me that if you know I am not married?” This thought is even stranger because I am the daughter of single, never married woman and man. Not only does this one show off my classist nature but the extent of my values on family.

My third reactive thought tends to be “stop asking me my blasted business yuh dam maco!” That one has nothing to do with the topic at hand but I thought I was important to remind people I don’t like persons to ask me business.

After having a conversation with a single male friend lamenting on the fact that at 29 it seems like any woman he dates has a child/ren or is too driven to have time to have a meaningful relationship, it leads me to wonder, are children the new craze for my age group. The modal average for births in Trinidad and Tobago is now 25.6yrs. This is despite the fact that people keep talking about teenage pregnancy – get a grip people teen pregnancy is not high and this is despite having a Muslim population which marries younger that the national age of majority.

Women are having babies – True
Having babies is a good thing – True
Not all women are having babies – True
Women who are not actively trying to have child are weird and should be reminded about their responsibility to their God/state/economy – False

I am not anti-children. I just don’t like to having people ask me (or anyone else) why have I not allowed a man to impregnate me and decided to carry full term. Isn’t that a little … what’s the word I am looking for…. rude? I know often in my verbal response to persons asking the questions, I come off like a hard core feminist but to me this is not about ideology or religiosity. It’s a matter of personal values and appropriateness. If you must engage in this type of conversation it is always better to first ask if a person wants children. Then, if you must, mine their business
I respect any young woman who gets pregnant and chooses to have a child before the age of 27. I salute you saying you have a personal strength that I can not say that I have. Particularly to the women doing it without men and or a family support system, I say Mother’s Day is simply not enough.
But to the people who live under the delusion that when you reach 24 you should have at least one picney and believe that it is their responsibility to encourage women to have children regardless of their stage in life, I say...
Go adopt a dog to play with.